May 19, 2023•9,225 words
I've set up a Substack and am setting up a website & several other things. The editor behind this blogging platform is lacking significantly, from composing options to lack of categorization. Sad.
The re-genesis post. All too often I have been paralyzed by starting a project; especially writing because I have so much to write about. Do I give a necessarily lengthy backstory for me and every subject I wish to write about? Do I wait to write a couple posts on every subject before publishing so when readers discover this blog in its early state they can see my multidimensionality and the general idea of where I’m going, else they may never return? Why am I considering such questions - fear, anxiety, controlling perception, what? No, I write one post at a time and trust the timing, else I’m stuck in hesitation, anxiety, perfectionism.
Despite typing those deliberations, I have recently found such extraordinary equanimity and purpose. Stacks of notebooks and megabytes of digital files containing my therapeutic journaling and topic drafting have accumulated over the years. Only few were published, satisfaction short-lived with less-than-desired quality and evanescent momentum. A general, foggy goal inspired me to develop my writing skill and lean into being seen, even as I knew it would take time and effort to do so, and I believe that all the twists & turns of the last year happened precisely to get me here: still not entirely satisfied with the quality and still actively building momentum but humbly pursuing the path.
📝 There is a large number of essays, tweets, videos & things that have helped me cultivate just-do-it-ness. Maybe it would be of value to list them, perhaps in a little toggle list here or in future posts. For now, the most recent one I read, from @visakanv: resonance over coherence: so how do I get unstuck? @thejustinwelsh: So many people are afraid to publish their thoughts. Here are a few reasons why:
It really is as simple as just putting fingers to keyboard; but in order to get here, I had to scale a complex set of factors; a long rusty chain of simple actions. Complexity is multiple simplicities; one step at a time, over time. I aim to write and share my self-development journey because I know it will be very inspiring and guiding for others, as it has been sharing conversationally offline, and because it fits in a grand plan - destiny, perhaps.
Reality is strange and endlessly fascinating. I didn’t use to think so; I though it mostly confusing, hellish, dull, something to escape from - yet peppered with beauty, love, mysterious phenomenon, and a sense that I’m here for a purpose. Then I awoke. Then began a quest to purge and enlighten, fraught with intense challenges of body, mind and spirit. Each time I succeeded and felt “this is it!”, I was challenged again, and again, and so on. Here I stand, victorious again for yet only a moment, though now truly humbled. At this point, in May 2023, I can say I have become a proficient surfer of spiritual waves, and deemed worthy to continue.
This blog/substack will write itself and take whatever direction it wishes. Generally, I shall publicly write about my personal journey, psychosymmetrical self-development, consciousness & spirituality (realistic integration), esoterica and magic, geopolitic & economy, conspiracy vs not, technology (AI, blockchain, social tools, gaming), public good & civilization redirection, music & art, and whatever the winds of inspiration blow my way.
I am led by very specific long-term goals which emerge from my soul, but I am still developing the skills, making the connections, breathing through the fog and facing growthful challenges. My life purpose, it seems, is to help unite & harmonize Humanity on & with Earth before going interstellar. Might seem odd coming from a formerly depressed, pessimistic, highly addicted gamer - but I have been transformed by the renewing of my mind from a bit of divine intervention and tons of effort. It may be that this leads nowhere or to somewhere else entirely - let’s watch.
I found myself fall into madness so I dove
The best thing I ever did was let go 🎵
Maybe I had to go crazy to get where I am
I felt myself slipping away and I let myself fall
Gotta lose your mind before you find it
And when you finally find it you'll find out you never lost it at all
There's a natural flow, that's attached to the soul
It don't ask you to go, it just gradually pulls
It's always now and you're never not you
So follow yourself because if nothing else: your existence is true
🖇️ P.S. My public blogging journey began in November 2021 with this post on this blog as I was determining to make real changes in my psyche & life, stop the self-quarantine & overindulgence, develop my writing skill and overcome various fears & challenges. I aimed to be completely transparent because I wanted to show the raw journey, but I barely blogged it at all; initially because I was going through really intense negativity, then because I radically transformed and transcended the “need” to do it after what happened in February. I spent the year trying to make sense of that experience and reintegrate, only posting a handful of times while fully engaged in the present moment and my spiritual development. Everything happens for our benefit and growth; step by step I boldly go where I have not gone before.