November 11, 2021•932 words
I find myself having another writer's/creative block these last couple days; maybe because of poor sleep and not enforcing a daily routine, or maybe because it's just the ebb and flow of inspiration. Writer's block is also said to not really exist, and its cure is to simply write anything no matter how good or bad, because the good will always eventually happen. Not every effort has to yield desired results and not every day has to be a "good" day (though any day alive truly is good).
It is difficult for me to be consistent because truthfully I haven't enforced consistency of habit in almost anything about my daily life for several years now, which was a purposeful yet misguided decision I made in attempt to be more flexible and available for anything or any plans with anyone. I have learned the hard way that, despite trying to "go with the flow", I not only tried too hard at not trying but I flowed right into an eddy of dissatisfaction and isolation; a maelstrom of chaotic stagnation. I, and probably all humans, require some modicum of structure, consistency and support. We require goals and a means to achieve them. We, even the most introverted and independent, require some help, cooperation and validation for sustainable growth and success. I didn't think so.
Acceptance is what will allow me to finally move past the last seven years of wayfaring the dark abyss. Maybe rather dramatic, but I truly squandered countless opportunities for not only wealth but simply creative personal expression and connection to others. One could wish to change the past in a thousand different ways, maybe "if only one had a proper mentor to guide one's countless unapplied ideas". Maybe that someone can be judged as having negative, undesirable traits for a human being or member of society. The only thing that ever truly matters is the present moment because it is literally the only thing we have and can control. Some of the unique abilities we possess (in the known universe) are retrospection, imagination and speculation, but these are often used erroneously which can imprison oneself instead of liberate and improve.
Without further digression, I am learning to accept my past and my current self. I could be a multi-millionaire and effective philanthropist, or have this or that, or be doing that or this, but alas I am not because of actions and inactions. I am learning from these mistakes - painfully - and healing.
Meditated on acceptance today, this time using a guided app because hearing what you already may know from someone else helps to reframe and sink it in. Plus new ways of thinking about it:
- Acceptance means sincerely letting everything happen in its own nature and letting go of the belief that it could've happened any differently - the variables were aligned as such. And of course - everything that has happened has brought us to this point, still alive and breathing. I could project that "if I didn't do X then I would've done Y and became Z", but all we can really do now is analyze why we did X instead of Y, and take steps to become Z if our heart and soul still pull us there (not a false feeling born out of regret and unacceptance).
- Notice our mind's reaction to a situation, our thoughts and feelings about it, as if we're watching our thoughts from a distance. We can only free ourselves from our thoughts when we observe them objectively.
- The journey to acceptance starts from seeing the parts of us that resist accepting or judge the acceptance of a situation. Not the situation itself, but our thoughts and concepts of it, and our resistance to it.
- We're always accepting some things implicitly, so why struggle accepting other things? Granted, we don't have to "accept" negative consequences or situations we face in the present moment if we have a choice, but if negativity or unfavorability has befallen us, we can accept that it will pass as all things do.
Learned a new way to think and get into a meditative state as well...
- Seated comfortably with eyes closed and steady effortless breaths, notice how gravity is pulling you toward the center of the earth. Feel the heaviness in your arms and legs with each breath. Purposefully identify and relax any part that is resisting. Surrender ourselves to gravity. Accept gravity.
- Notice how it feels to be drawn toward the earth, to be supported unconditionally by the surface you're sitting on. How does it feel to let yourself go in this?
- The past is in the past, and the future hasn't happened yet. This moment we're in is the only reality. Watch how your breath flows without changing anything.
- Have to learn to trust yourself and your moments of intuition & gut feeling. Take the leap of faith - no matter what happens, no matter how big the risk, you will still have yourself on the other side of it all. If no one else is there, whether it's a big physical move or new career, you will be.
Acceptance is also completely required to be a successful trader. Must always accept the risk of downside and loss; the trick to being a consistent winner is sticking to the plan, limiting those losses, and finding other opportunities without any emotional impact of the loss. Losses will happen. Accept it.
And look how much I ended up writing.
I release all regrets. I absolve my mistakes.
I resolve to be a light in the darkness; æther amongst the elements.