Self-Censorship

New blog post: Self-Censorship - exposing my authentic creative self.

Living life in the moment and creating "content" one step at a time, never forcefully, never trying.

Our brains can generate thoughts that are scrambled, ideas that are foggy, emotions that are confusing. Writing is an effective way to organize and analyze them, but should they be shared with others in raw stream of consciousness or filtered for society?

Perhaps it depends on your mindset when writing/creating/streaming. A filter is not inherently a bad thing. The passage of time brings clarity and understanding. Sure, I don't care if I'm perceived a certain way because each thought and creation are simply reflections of a moment in time, but I value serenity and humility. My writing and other creations will be more effective when I stop trying to prove something. I wrote a post on that before, but I still slip and stumble as I navigate new circumstances. There is a navigable grey area, at least in my experience: my ego sometimes benefits me but it more often betrays.

Perhaps there will be a world where everyone better understands the nature of consciousness, existence and this fact that each of our minds provides thoughts that we don't agree with and shouldn't be judged as individuals for having. It took me a great time to fully understand this, having to unravel years of being told otherwise. "I think therefore I am" has the capacity to be a tremendously destructive idea. We have thoughts but they can be disagreeable and often should be dismissible; they can be generated out of fear, eagerness, lack of awareness or derived from an overly emotional or egotistical place.

I wrote the above two paragraphs on a previous day... I had so many ideas for what I would write in the post, but something distracted me and took me on an adventure once I finished the last line. That day and the next two days were incredible, full of learning and love, and I had forgotten about this post entirely. Today I woke up with the intention to work on my musical album but felt blocked. What's the deal? I had established a release date for my music - which was mostly finished but needed re-recording and mastering - and I set intentions to do those very things but here I am three days later having not made progress on that front. Yet, I am happy. Maybe the release of the songs in their unfinished state will be a mental, emotional and/or spiritual release too, as I have experienced several times this year already. Just do 100 things (thanks @visakanv).

So, instead of working on my music this morning, I sat in the sun and meditated. Which led me to re-realizing these things. Which led into a private message with a friend. Which led into this blog post. Which now leads me into doing laundry and cleaning the house for guests. And where that leads me, I don't know, but I will enjoy it.

Tweet thread continuing this post:

Everything I do & create is through a natural process of existing in the moment. It can be frustrating if you over-analyze and push yourself against an immovable barrier. Some walls can be broken through, but not all of them or not at the timing you desire. It is truly freeing when internalizing this in the core. Yes we can dream and set intentions, yes we can actively work toward our goals somewhat forcefully - but when anxiety, fear or any negative emotions arise or the dominos don't fall the way we want: they are falling exactly as they should... you just can't see it.

These thoughts of faith, of free will vs determinism, are often troubling to people and were to me for most of my life. We want to create things, do things, go places... and sometimes "life happens". Unexpected expenses, colleagues suddenly busy, our energy levels deplete, etc. Every moment is always teaching a lesson and helping us grow in profound ways that we can't comprehend until later - and later everything clicks as one big epiphany. Anxiety & depression can be conquered by surrendering and trusting in the process.

I want to do 1000 things, and I do put effort working toward them, but sometimes I get writer's block or my friends/colleagues get busy and can't collaborate at the scheduled time, etc. So I step back, go on a walk, and smile. My entire body of work will reflect this.

Not trying.

The above monologue was a derivation and curation of a message to a friend this morning. I made plans earlier this week to re-record/master & make more promo material, but what happened instead was an incredible week of learning, love, joy and other successes & creative ideation!

I have learned painstakingly over many years that everything does truly happen for a reason; accepting this and smiling at EVERYTHING, not over-analyzing and getting frustrated but acknowledging the present and trusting in the process, will yield miracles. It can't be explained, it can only be experienced. Words are immensely powerful but language is extremely limited. I cannot convey these experiences and wisdom as perfectly articulated knowledge for every single reader. Some things make sense, others don't. Okay. You have to search within yourself and know these things to be true in whatever way is most you. We all have our own hieroglyphs that speak and resonate with us. We are also all incredibly complex and what works for me might not work for you! It is really extraordinary and beautiful when you realize just how diverse we are, from physical to emotional to mental to spiritual. We can all coexist in harmony with our differences if we unite in love & understanding this reality!

So I will continue to spend today and tomorrow pushing to iterate on my music album and the event I have planned but just have to write & create for - but whatever I have by my set release time is whatever I have! I can make videos after release or just work on the next album.

Which is tentatively titled: The Art of Not Trying

Inspired by the content: TAOISM | The Art of Not Trying - Einzelgänger

But another major key takeaway: act on your inspiration immediately! Put off what you have planned in most cases to channel that flow into a river to create an ocean, else it may forever sit as a stream to a pond.

And: perfection is the enemy of good/done. Literally no one is perfect. We can try to curate a nice image, which is fine sometimes, but not in deceit & fabrication which beget more problems than it solves. Always be yourself and unimaginable things will come your way.

Older blog posts I've written on these ideas:

Perfection is the enemy of good/done

Acceptance

Hello New World: I have nothing to prove

This album release isn't going to be a grandiose thing. I'm not making major promos on social media, I'm not playing the algorithm. If I release it unmastered/unfinished, cool whatever! Kendrick Lamar did that, too, years ago and some of those songs are among my favorite. I can make videos after the release, or do whatever we feel like in the future. Tomorrow's event may not go as planned, but that's the entire theme of my body of work: the art of letting go. I will be unfiltered in my creation process because it is the real unadulterated me and it might inspire others in similar paths.

Everything falls into place. Kismet.